What If...Maybe...Life's a bitch...

A blast from the past - 1

2011-09-02T15:49:00.002+08:00

I have a childhood friend whom i have known her since kindergarten days. We went to the same kindergarten, primary school and thereafter reunite again in the same secondary school. She went to a different sec sch for the 1st 2 years but transfer to my sec sch thereafter.

We were pretty close in kindergarten and primary sch days but sorta drifted apart from sec school onwards. We dont really keep in touch now except that of course, i can still "see" her in facebook. Well the thing is that i saw her daughter's photos posted in her facebook and when i saw the picture, it instantly transported me back to the kindergarten / primary school days.

She look so much like my friend, just like her during our school days. I feel like i have travel back in time as well and i can almost see all the images of my friend and me playing around, talking and attending school together..

I feel so damm old.. Now i know why is it that the older you are, the more flashbacks you will have.

As i look out of my window...

2009-03-16T11:46:00.002+08:00

It has been raining for the past 2 weeks. A cooling welcome to the usually hot n humid weather otherwise. I enjoy sitting on my desk which is next to the window so i can always take a breather from my work and look out at the sky and the on-going activity happening outside.

I feel a sense of loneliness today.. not the dreadful, compelling kind of course...just a bit lonely. I am still adjusting to my new life and there is this invisible pull from my "old life" that tugs on my senses every now and then...especially at times when i meet with hiccups adjusting to the new life i have now. I miss that i do not have to carry a great sense of responsibility on my shoulder and that i do not have to accommodate to people living around me. Sometimes i really wonder if i am suitable to have a married life, with kids and blah blah blah.. He says i am forever comfortable in my present state and doesnt want to move forward in life.. I used to contest at this statement but is now thinking if he does make some sense when he says this. Cos i am still lamenting bout how i wish i could go back to my "old life".. Everytime i move on to a new stage, i keep thinking how i wish i could have just stay on in my present state.. I seldom embrace new stages in my life. I think i am this old fossil back in the 18th century..

Perhaps if not for the fact that i have met him, nothing will have change much.. He make a very great impact and influence in how my fate have moved.. it have change my life better as a whole but have also created regrets that will be etched deep in my heart..and be buried inside the grave with me when i pass on..

12 things you dun know about me...

2009-02-25T12:22:00.011+08:00

Okie..so here it goes.. a blog entry on "12 things you dun know about me".. topic inspired by a friend. It sure took me some time to ponder over what's on the "dark" side of me that is not known to many yet.

- I love contemporary dancing

- My fav bedtime wear is a man's shirt worn over my sexiest lingerie

- I have tried glue-sniffing and stealing (back when i was young). The item i stole was a keychain i think and that was a decision influenced by a childhood friend.. The glue-sniffing was...well... out of curiosity.

- I am a fan of Michael Jackson..feel he's an icon of the music industry

- I hate my old home and neighbourhood.

- My all-time fav food is chicken rice

- I love to eat raw onions..(phew..smell my breath...haha)

- I love driving while listening to my fav songs..it helps me to relax and i love the power of driving

- I can simply rot at home for days just by watching tv programs, eating and sleeping..

- I love to play mahjong..even if im losing money..

- I have Astrapophobia

- I have at least more than 3 shower/bath foam so i can choose how i wish to smell like in accordance to the mood i have for different day.

I never believe in happily ever after....

2009-02-20T23:04:00.004+08:00

I never believe in happily ever after.. an inspiration to write this blog entry after reading my friend's blog entry on "happily ever after". I do not believe in marriage. Yes..though i am married (cough, cough!).. but i do not believe that marriage creates this magic potion to make couples stay happily ever after.. I believe the idea of marriage is just to legalize the relationship, justify a convenient sex transaction and to award one's child for a proper status.

I do not know why couples want to see each other everyday which is one of the reasons why i think people get married. It just get a bit boring, sick, routine and predictable when both person lives under the same roof. My sentiments from my own experience. Ya..i know i am one weird person and probably belongs to 1% of the whole population that feels like this. But living under the same roof just leads to more disagreements because of differences in lifestyle and habits which are just simply exposed naked outwardly.. And i hate that i have to face my other half after a heated argument, sleep on the same bed with him with feelings of frustration, anguish, sadness blah blah blah..all bottled up and corked tight..

And since we are seeing each other everyday, i no longer get the "i miss u" sms which i used to have since we used to live apart.. i enjoy the "absence makes the heart fonder" feeling which has now become non-existent since marriage has tie us up under one roof. We are still loving and romantic of course..but somehow i think the tinge of excitement and anticipation has left our relationship. It SUCKS.... now i know why there are so many failed marriages...haha...yup...i am sure one hell of a cynical person.. There is just so much effort to keep a marriage going.. Dating and cohabitation just seems to be more simple.. Kudos to those that stays as ever loving even after years of marriage.. they are just so superb and "really so in love". (please do not consider those that only "live" together just because they are married..i view them more pathetic than singletons...). If there is so much intense love and sparks everyday between 2 persons, it doesn't need a marriage to certify it..

So why am i smearing the good name of marriage, scoffing it and yet getting myself into it? Hmm.. i think i take it as an insurance for myself..so that someday, when all my friends are married, busy with their own married lives, i DO have a companion or own family to fall back to.. and that i wouldnt be the single pathetic friend whom is the only spinster around...So yes..i think environmental factors are what drives me to marriage rather than the love for my man..

So..i do not believe in happily ever after.. but i hope someday he will make me regret i wrote this entry and show me that there is indeed a fairytale that can happen in real life..my life...

He's back....

2009-01-10T11:53:00.003+08:00

He's back home with us...After my intense, excruciating painful moment on 6th, a relief is heaved momentarily as i let go of a heavy burden (literally) off. But comes along another experience where i am shouldering a new sense of responsibility and stress, accompanied by a lot of things which i will not be able to enjoy freely now..

But some things seems to have lost its importance to me now.... like some fav tv programs that i used to totally immerse myself into and get a kick out of it, has now seem to be lost at the back of my mind for the moment.. cos i am so busy coping w him and work now that it seems it will be some time before i can arrange my favourite personal indulgences back into my routine ...again...

Hello..2009!

2009-01-01T13:49:00.002+08:00

Start of a new year and its goodbye to year 2008...Time just rockets by man..Im full of anticipation for 2009..new life, new scope of responsibilities and a whole new mixture of feelings and plans on how i am going to make full use of 2009.

First, i will like to be thankful to Lord for giving me a loving family, a loving him, supportive friends and a good job into my life. I realised that i need to be contended with what i have currently in order to appreciate some of the best things in life that i have taken for granted. As i venture deeper into adulthood, the insecurities i experienced from teen years are now a far cry away. Indeed, i can now identify why there are women whom have made statements that they are a much more confident lot when stepping into their 30s. Though i still relish the thoughts and vibrant life of a 20s something, the 30s does seem to instill a sense of confidence in certain ways i behave now. Maybe its the accumulation of life experiences....

Im planning for a trip to either Japan, Sydney or the States this year. Really looking forward to it!! Yoo HOO!!!

Craving for Chanel....

2008-12-10T10:26:00.003+08:00

Oh no...i am having my fanatic attack of getting a designer bag...yet again.... I just got a prada that costs almost a cool 2k just 6 mths ago..and i have swear that i am not going to get another designer bag (well at least not anything above 1.5K) for another 2 years..and now...i am actually craving for a classic chanel bag again...

Normally my "must-buy-bag-attack" is always so strong that it will occupy my mind and nag me at my thoughts for a few times in a day and it will end only when i claim my "trophy"... So i really hope i can survive this "crisis" cos i really cant spend another 2k +++ just to get a bag again. I know i will feel guilty for spending that kind of $$ after getting it plus i believe he will really judge me with disapproval cos i keep spending so much on bags and i have still have a lot of other bags...

But a gal can never have enough of bags..and shoes...and clothes.... isn't it?? Aargh....i must go cold turkey this time else if i buy my chanel bag on impulse, i truly believe i will regret after getting it... Get that chanel thoughts out from me!!!

Im just wondering....

2008-12-04T16:43:00.002+08:00

Im just wondering if i did make a fuss out of nothing sometimes..... Well as you know, i was lamenting in my previous blog about my loss of freedom to do what i like and the agony of living with his mom where she seems to have a few comments / rules about this and that...

But, in short, i think compared to some stories i heard, she is already not a difficult woman to live with already. Well she cooks up a mean meal everytime...she is really fantastic in cooking which is undeniable and she is not anywhere near the description of mean and bossy in the dictionary. Also he treated me very well which makes me feel very bad if i were to keep telling him how constrained, unhappy and devastated living w 1 more person under the roof...Hey...thats his mum, ok?? I have come to the belief that family are still your strongest and most beloved pple in the world after im away from my own. Thus there is no way i will want him to get upset w his mum because of me...haha...not that he will cos he most probably get upset with me instead cos it seems im cooking a storm in a pot...

But...im still sorely...sianz for the days to come where i will see more differences in the way she and i live and how i need to put on a smile and nod in agreement to accommodate her in certain issues... Life sucks..

Why is it so suffocating......

2008-12-03T23:32:00.003+08:00

I move in with him just not long ago... an end to my past habitat where i have my own tv in my room, sleeping alone at whatever unearthly hour i fancy and so many other peeves i enjoy while i was just living all alone.... Now everything have to change...which is so suffocating at times. I can no longer just turn to my favourite tv program at my own whim cos i no longer have a personal tv..there is one in the living room which is now slowly being dominated by his mum..the other tv we have is in the study room where i cannot really access freely to it if he happens to be working at the time my tv program starts..

AARGHHHHH.......life is so tough man...and then there's more... i love to eat my white bread from gardenia for breakfast and guess what...his mom says "no...get the wheat bread instead of white bread from now on cos it is healthier..." Dammmmm....i cant even eat my fav white bread now????? Ya..i know wheat bread is healthier but cant i even get to indulge in just my fav white bread?? Ya, maybe i should have told her straight in the face that i DO NOT FANCY wheat bread..but i know she most probably be thinking / saying that " Ask you to eat wheat bread is for your own good and you don want to listen / appreciate it..."

Yes.. i know...its for my good but i really feel so damm suffocated that my daily eating habits and lifestyle is being twisted and i have never had anyone in my life "telling" me what to do / eat before...not even my own family. I have always live the life i like, want and feel.

Shit...can someone please save me???? Why is it so hard for me to accommodate and live with others happily... This is only the tip of the iceberg cos today is only the first day she move in with us.. i cannot imagine the string of events that will come thereafter...%$@@!@%***@@

F**K.........

Best Pal Leaving....For Canada

2008-09-02T10:07:00.002+08:00

OMG...its been so long since my last blog entry. Simply lazy..KeKe.. Well there was nothing of particular interest to update nor penning down. Plus i am simply cooped up at home 90% of my time so what else is there to write?? Sigh..

Had met up with my best pal last night for dinner.. last gathering before she flies off to Canada to the comfort and warmth of her hubby..This actually brought me back to some feeling of "dejavu" where about 10 years ago, i could still vaguely remember her going for her studies to Melbourne and i was lamenting whether i should join her back then. Not that now i want to join her in Canada now though.. but i do admire her courage to venture off in a faraway land to pursue her dreams and love..alone.. I wouldnt be able to see myself doing that..nope..my character too unadventurous and cowardly for such stint. Im always a creature of comfort.

She's leaving on the 6th Sept and flight is 6am in the morning...so i have to be there by 4am to see her off if i do..and sorry..im not in the right frame of health to do that currently...but i think i should be able to wake up timely just for a farewell call though...

So after she is gone, i will have 1 less friend to bitch to... unless through the wonders of technology though.. So all the best to her and may she have a lovely beginning to the start of her new life...

Buffet again...

2008-07-26T22:08:00.002+08:00

I had my most inexpensive buffet of all time today..$12.80 porridge lunch buffet at Suntec City Convention Centre. Its those Teochew porridge buffet where you have a selection of small dishes to go with either a rice, pumpkin or century egg based porridge. The dishes ranges from roasted meat, chicken wings, salted eggs, omelette, fish, pickled vegetables, fried wanton etc to go with the staple food.

It is a really simple fare where the food will not get your adrenalin kicking up a storm...haha..but for the costs of just $12.80 per person for a weekend lunch buffet, my purse is certainly grateful for it...

Lunch buffet at Jade, Fullerton

2008-07-21T10:34:00.003+08:00

I went for an extravagant lunch buffet last saturday at Jade, Fullerton Hotel. It cost $68++ per person and with another 2 of my buffet kakis, the bill total up to be $240..so $80 per person. Well, i will say that it was money considered well spent as the items on the menu were plentiful and rich...With free flow of juices to choose from (Mango, Guava and Orange), we ordered Sharks Fin Soup, Scallops, Crispy Peking Duck Skin, Prawns, Cod Fish, Dim Sum, Chicken, Nooodls, Desserts blah blah blah... There were still so much on the menu that we have not ordered and sunk our teeth in but unless you have been in starvation for days, the 3 of us were already panting with fullness..

Though i did not have the sharks fin soup, it was unanimously voted as one of the "super shiok" item to have by my 2 kakis. The cod fish and the fresh prawns served got our thumbs up too..Then there was the dessert which i have 2 bowls despite i was on the verge to blow up from my fullness, was the Cream Mango with Sago..It was the best seller according to the restaurant manager that was very eager to get us order more desserts... The only bummer was the peking duck skin wrapped in "some sort of beancurd skin??" that did not get our rave as the duck skin was not as crispy as we thought..

Looking forward to the next buffet destination again...

Sweet dreams are made of this...

2008-07-10T16:03:00.003+08:00

Here's a flashback to the 90s... my dorky look, super bad dress sense and some of the friends with me....

Hair cut at Kim Robinson Plus (kr+)

2008-07-08T13:02:00.000+08:00

I went for a haircut at kr+. Its my first visit there. kr+ is a subsidiary of Kim Robinson which is rather famous and something like an above middle-class salon in the industry. Maybe something like Passion Hair Salon by David Gan. Of course since kr+ is a subsidiary of Kim Robinson, it boosts kinder prices compared to its parent salon.

Under normal circumstances, i will not have went there as their normal wash + cut costs a whooping $79... Other salons would have just charge $40 plus for a wash + cut. However as my friend is a regular there and they have a recent promotion tied with OCBC Cards till end August 08 which is a 1 for 1 haircut service, i decided to give it a try. 2 person for the price of 1 which means it will costs me only $40 for this haircut is reasonable enough for me to tag along with my friend.

The place is spacious, ambience is nice and quiet. Guess with that kind of price they are charging, it will not be your normal bustling salon anyway..My hairstylist is a pretty nice guy. I opt for a very simple trim, no frills kind of haircut. The service was quite good. Like the hair wash that i have, it took longer than what i normally experience in other hair salons. Though the hair wash technique was just pretty normal, it was done with great attention and not rushed at all. So for those that like a longer hair wash, i give kr+ thumbs up for their attention in this.

The end-results of the haircut was normal. Maybe i opt for a simple trim so there was not really anything for me to comment on my hairstylist's skills. kr+ have a policy that allows unsatisfied clients to have the same service re-done free of charge within 10 days of their visit so that's pretty fair enough since their fees are higher.

But if you ask me if i will go back again for a wash + cut for $79...hmm...i still need to think about it...$40 then no problem...Keke...

My first blog

2008-07-07T23:08:00.000+08:00

Ok..ok..its a little late to embark on the world of blogging...isn't it? Nope nope...after 2nd thoughts, life's never too late for anything.. Time passes so fast. Im 29 approaching 30, the legal age to start proclaiming the title of "auntie". I did a double-take once when a woman of about 40 plus years old, whom were asking me for directions, call me "Auntie" leh!!! Hello?? An auntie calling me auntie?? Haven't she cleanse her eyes recently?? No way i was looking like an auntie! Couldn't she address me as a Miss??

Mathematically, im a 29 going to 30. But I feel like im still a child at heart. I still like reading my 'Archie Digest Magazine' which started somewhere in my early teen years like 13 or 14. Hey, that comic magazine has good english words in it which helps mould my "pretty good" foundation in English language. My peers whom i have known that reads this comic series are pretty strong in their English too.. Apart from my fetish for Archie comics, i think i still love to play toys and games (legos, monopoly, play dressing up for dolls etc.), though i do not do that now. But yes, hidden somewhere behind the back of my mind is the burning urge to do so...(Grin)..

Throughout my teen years till now, i have never really set a target as to what i want to be and do. No specific objective to work towards to. I just wanted to have a lot of branded items, live in a private apartment and have a good job. I think thats all i was thinking the whole time. All material and mercenary stuff... Pretty lame huh? But i guess all this material desire did help slowly set certain objectives for me to work towards to... so i can have my Gucci, LV..Fendi..haha...ermm...lame again hor???

My circle of friends narrow down compared to early teen years.. well it could have been even narrower if not for the fact that my "die-hard" friends tried ways and means to track me down though i was playing "hide-and-seek" initially.. Don ask me but there was really a time after i graduate that i just did not want to contact any old friends... Beats me... I don knw what was going on in my mind as well... Guess i had enough of them during school times... :P

Anyway im glad that i still have a good circle of reliable and trustworthy friends entering into the "aunties era" with me. It makes the path just a little easier to tread on.....